If you would have told me a year ago that my life would look
the way that it does today, I would have probably laughed in your face… but
quite frankly I am so thankful that my life took a 180 turn. And all it took
was a single phone call to my father for him and my bubba to be on their way to
Gulfport and help move me to Nashville, Tennessee.
All in all, that moment when I picked up the phone to call
my daddy wasn’t one of my proudest. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and I knew in
the back of my mind that my parents were right when they had previously warned
me about moving in with a man I was not married to… a very difficult and
heartbreaking pill to swallow. I will preface the next few paragraphs by saying
that this man (who I will not name on this blog) is not under any circumstances
a bad man, however he and I were just quite honestly not compatible whatsoever.
I had chosen to buy a home and move in with a man I thought
would be my husband, we were planning a wedding once I graduated college and
picking colors for a house together… but God had so many better plans for me
than just becoming another housewife. In the beginning moments of renovating
our new home, my ex and I seemed to be doing quite well, but that didn’t last
very long.
We began fighting a lot during the renovations, I wanted
things to be finished, projects to be finished, but that never seemed to happen
and he just did not seem to be in any hurry whatsoever. The fighting led to him
drinking more and more which of course led to more arguing as well as my
anxiety and depression levels skyrocketing. It was a toxic relationship for
both of us. The drinking was something I was so embarrassed of, that I
continued to cover it up for both his sake and mine. If people would ask about
it, I would always create excuses like “Well, everyone enjoys a beer when they
get home from work,” or something along the lines of “Even I love a good glass
of wine with dinner”. Both excuses were completely invalid... Finishing a case
of beer in two days is not a beer after work or with dinner, it is purely and
simply alcoholism.
Time kept going on and things kept getting worse for me, my
anxiety to him was nonexistent and was something I just needed to overcome on
my own, no therapy or anything. I finally got to the point where I wanted to
leave, but I was afraid. I was afraid to leave and hear what my family would
say, afraid that if I left him I would be unlovable for anyone else, and afraid
to start over in a new place. One evening
our arguments got to the point where it was no longer healthy for me to stay in
our home, so I packed a few bags and went to stay with a girlfriend of mine. I
ended up staying with her for some time while I tried to figure out how to
break the news to my family, his family, as well as our mutual friends. A few
weeks into this, he offered to meet at the house so we could try and talk it
over… he didn’t show up. That was my breaking point, I felt so helpless in that
moment and I called my daddy.
My daddy and bubba are probably the best two men I could
have asked for in that very moment, they were at my home in Gulfport moving me
out within twelve hours of that phone call. My older brother and I rode
together, and never once in a million years have I ever met a man who would
advise and comfort their little sister the way Jeff did the whole way home –
there were more tears in front of him than I have ever shed in front of anyone
else.
The first few weeks of being in Nashville were so difficult
for me, getting into a new church, not knowing many people, and adjusting to
being with my parents again. I was beyond embarrassed, but I attempted to keep
going. In time, things finally began to click and get easier for me. I was
enjoying being alone much more and making some incredible friends.
Today, I am living in my own apartment in the city of
Nashville. I have done a complete 180 from where I was a year ago. I am not
telling my story to get any sympathy, but to simply tell you that Isaiah 61:3
rings true, especially in my life.
“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a
crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive
praise instead of despair.” (Isaiah 61:3)
Your story is not finished today, and
it will not be finished tomorrow. My story is still blossoming and changing
each day. The Lord is the most amazing and righteous provider; He has healed me
and given me new friendships that I had never expected to receive. All of those
fears I have previously mentioned… He took those and crushed them. The most
amazing fulfillment in my life is the way that my ultimate Father has blessed
me, healed my heart, and chosen to love me daily.
I was afraid of starting over and now I
am so passionately in love with my life that I would not give up a single
experience for the world. I have cultivated incredible relationships with people
I never would have met if I had not made the jump to Nashville. My family has
never once said, “I told you so” with regards to the decisions I had made
previously… and best of all, I am loved by an incredible group of people. God
took my ashes and is creating the most beautiful life from them. He will do the
same for you.
